DORIS and ETHEL

After many minutes of intense research I think we have the answers about Spandex.

Looking at some of the pictures about spandex, I would think it would be OK for looking good while you are fighting crime (it comes in some nice colours and patterns too), but I don’t think the policemen should start wearing it…. well, most of them anyway (I was thinking more of superheroes actually).

You really shouldn’t wear this stuff unless you are very fit and at a private gym. This makes you think – if you are really fit, why are you wasting your money on a gym in the first place?

It’s called spandex because it ex-pands – someone couldn’t spell when they came up with this brilliance! I expect they shied away from calling it pandsex because … well…. it would be wrong. Elastane is not very attractive either. But neither is driving behind someone who can’t afford the private gym and is cycling in those “bike shorts”. You know who you are – Stop It!

There were a lot of nasty words in the technical stuff about this spandex. The sort of words you might associate with the ingredient lists for food you know isn’t doing you any good. So probably it’s not good to eat it either.

They have been using it instead of rubber because it stretches 500 times longer. Don’t test this with your undies elastic because if they are wrong you won’t have any to wear! ..and they do say that rubber is stronger.

Thanks for asking.

Do you have questions that need answering?

Well you will have to let us know immediately, won’t you…  after all I don’t think we are psychic!

Traveling  along the highways of the world, it’s difficult not to notice the strange detritus. Among the bizarre offerings are frequent single items of footwear. A lone shoe, or sometimes a boot!

How do they get there? ….. And how have they been separated from their mates?

Well, it’s shoe bees that cause this.

Some poor motorist is driving along, barely keeping to the speed limit (gasp) and a shoe bee gets in their shoe. And if they are stuck in the passing lane, what can they do?

It’s really terrifying… the poor guy (we’ll call him Frank) reaches down and removes the shoe. Now Frank is really stuck – the bee is still in his shoe. Frank’s no fool – he quickly opens the window on his truck and flings the shoe, and resident bee, onto the verge.

This raises a new and more disturbing question? Boot bees – are they related?