Right, look lively you there. What’s your name? – 2012? 
OK then – listen up!
There will be none of the utter nonsense we had with that last one – number 2011 or some such drivvle… This year there will be no blindsides, no “sucker punches”, and no taking out at the knees.
I want a fair fight, with the usual Queensbury rules applying.
Test assumes minivan is preferred transport. (Licenses to be Class A – Minivan-certified, and B – Other)
2.00.1 All domestic taxi driver applicants must undergo 9 months of training before the Domestic part of the test.
2.00.2 Approved manual labour or psychological conditioning may be substituted at the examiner’s discretion. (Certification of Idiocy or similar by a licensed professional is also an automatic qualify.)
2.00.3 Discharge of passengers at government facilities – Mandatory compliance. Test in all weather conditions, and sleep-deprived.
2.00.4 Closely inspect driver-trainee for performance in long queues of traffic awaiting discharge at one or more of the following:
Sports events; after-school activities; the close confines of unfamiliar non-public driveway configurations.
2.00.5 Test for road rage, with and without random quantities and mixes of:
Minor passengers from within and outside of the habitual family group; dogs; babies with plumbing “issues”.
2.00.6 The Speed test. Check for exit speed after the school bus has gone, without and then with backpack-loading.
2.10.0 During Phase II Driving Exam.
(Drivers must exhibit effects, including wear-and-tear, of at least 16 years of driving under previous conditions)
2.10.1 Test level of service and quality of language when driver is performing the 4am unexpected pick-up manoeuvre. This portion to be supervised by a senior examiner capable of administering caffeine (The hearing-impaired are encouraged to apply) Place close attention to footwear for this portion of the test – fuzzy slippers are an automatic disqualify. Examiners should be aware that applicants may be looking for the automatic disqualification in Phase II.
NOTE: Administration of this test is for data-collection purposes only and passing does not imply fitness for anything. And NO, we are not there yet!
I am a vegetarian. For me that means not eating animal parts that had to be killed so that I can eat. I am fine with other people not being vegetarian. But if one more person tells me of a vegetarian they know who eats fish/chicken/clams – I may just become a cannibal!
It strikes me as more than a little disconcerting that the acne crème you might be talked into using by a well-intentioned doctor might result in heart failure or stroke. It seems odd that diarrhoea could be the side effect of yet another prescription for anti-depressants. I would find not being able to get off the toilet rather depressing. Actually on that front, most of the anti-depressants have many depressing side effects.
The part that I don’t really understand is how much comparatively worse some of these side effects seem than the ailment that they drug is meant to cure. Usually for Ethel and me, a good cup (okay pot) of coffee can cure most of these ailments to the point where when we check in the bother diary and find we are not so bothered by the problem from the beginning. It certainly complicates the issue to have suddenly found that the “cure” for your horribly disfiguring mild case of eczema is “in a few cases death.” It also complicates things when you have to tell your doctor to prescribe you these prescription-only “cures” after you make an appointment to get the prescription. It certainly sounds like a drug company attempting to monopolize a market and create huge demand for… (Dare I say it?) an unnecessary product.
Just a few thoughts,
Doris 
If you are going to the trouble of using antibacterial soap, why do you need a soap dispenser that senses your hands so you don’t need to touch it?
Surely, if there are germs on the dispenser, they will be gone once you have washed your hands.
I, for one, cannot ever remember going back to touch the dispenser AFTER I have used the soap….
Maybe the manufacturer of the hand-sensing dispenser needs more confidence in their soap, not a fancier dispenser??
I would suggest that, rather than keep increasing the cost of stamps, the Post Office might save on delivery costs by delivering everything to the first house on each road.
The people in the first house could just take out their own items and send everyone else’s cards and letters next door. This would encourage neighbours to speak to each other and all the junk mail could go in a bin at the other end. House prices would have to be adjusted to make up for the added inconvenience of the things left at your location but everyone would know each other much better.
But… they have already started this apparently… and there are some flaws in the new plan.
I am happy to send mail delivered to me to the next house up – It is only fair as my other neighbour is bringing me all the mail of mine that he receives.
2 doors up they moved out months ago. Delivering there is the weak link in the chain and immediately highlights why this new system is doomed…
We will just have to go back to delivering according to the super-duper, high-technology sorted, postal code or zip code system that I thought they used anyway….Or, start training our own pigeons.
I’m more than slightly disturbed with some of the more fatal side effects of the drugs that some “well intentioned” doctors prescribe to deal with way less fatal medical “problem.” From the prime time television it would appear that you can either have acne or maybe clear skin with only a possible stroke. It’s interesting how completely unrelated some of these side effects are to the medical situation that the doctors are trying to fix.
